Over the past 10 days, I’ve been vigorously promoting today’s Vlerick event on Retention Rennaissance in the Legal Sector. I’ve been saying how great it’s gonna be, how much blood, sweat and tears I put into it and how much I’m looking forward to stand on that stage.
I am, looking forward to that. And at the same time, I am truly shitting my pants. I am no stranger myself to the imposter syndrome. Every time I put myself out there, I’m afraid someone will see through it all, call me out on not belonging there, unmask me as not as competent as others perceive me to be.
Right before I’ll walk on that stage tonight, Mr. Imposter will be there as well (don’t know why I’m labeling it male, just feel like it). Will they believe what I’m saying or will they just figure it all out?
Ironically, I will be talking about retention in the legal sector. I’ve experienced it first hand. I honestly couldn’t deal with the “don’t expect feedback, unless you did something wrong, then you’ll be sure to hear about it” work environment. My insecure self just couldn’t handle this way of working. I needed more. Appreciation, validation and more human connections. It’s a shame though. I loved studying the theory of law, but practicing just wasn’t meant for me.
What I mean to say is, I get you. I know how you feel when Mr. (or Mrs. for that matter) Imposter knocks on your door. And at the same time, I’m just realizing that it did change over the past 10 years. Mr. Imposter isn’t screaming as loud as he used to be. Or if he is, I’m able to more quickly shut him up.
Tonight, before I step on stage, I’ll remember the famous Wolfpack speech of the amazing Abby Wambach, who said: “The way to make something true, starts with believing it is”. I’ll get into the grove and do what I – not so secretly – love to do: speak to an audience about a topic I’m truly passionate about.
And Mr. Imposter? He’ll slowly fade away and make me enjoy every second of it.
Love,
M.
